This Saturday, the forces of darkness are gathering.

Blimey, that’s bit dramatic, isn’t it? Like a cinema trailer. Anyway, yes, it’s dramatic, but it’s also true. In north west London, in Munich. Whilst the eyes of the football watching world will be on Chelsea’s second attempt to land the biggest prize in club football, Sam Allardyce will be attempting to take West Ham back to the Premier League at the first attempt. Like I said, forces of darkness.

And in both cases, I’m torn. My best mate from university, Mike, a man I love and respect, is a West Ham fan. I’d be happy for him if the Hammers got promoted, but, big Sam back in the Premier League? Please God, no. My mum, as I think I’ve mentioned before, is a Chelsea fan. But, obviously, that’s not why I’m conflicted this morning. And, as we contemplate who we’d prefer to join us in the Champions League, I’m reminded of a Bill Hicks joke. Something about how some of his friends think pro lifers are annoying idiots, other friends think they (pro lifers) are evil fucks.

I said earlier in the week that I don’t want Chelsea to win the Champions League and that still holds, I don’t think anyone in England apart from Chelsea fans- and particularly vindictive Gooners- want Chelsea to win tonight. But I have a delicious image in my head of Spurs fans sitting in front of a match they don’t really want to watch sweating up their replica Bayern Munich shirts as the match unfolds. I also have an image of Lampard lifting the European Cup (surely EBJT* wouldn’t be so thick? What? Oh) and Daniel Levy sat in front of his massive, wall mounted, flatscreen TV, mobile phone in hand sitting there in shock. Like the helicopter pilot at the end of Seven, “Somebody… somebody call somebody” A head in the box. The European Cup in Chelsea hands.

No, it can not be. I don’t want that, even as funny as it would be to see Spurs out of the Champions League when we were told they were nailed on for the top three just a couple of months ago. Especially as they showed themselves quite ill equipped to handle the twin stresses of a league and Champions League campaign a couple of years back. Also, Chelsea out of the Champions League? Hilarious. To be honest though, I’m just glad we can sit and watch it (or not watch it if we don’t want to), safe in the knowledge that, whatever happens, we’ve done our job and have nothing to worry about.

What? Oh.

I know I’m not the first person to say this, but there really is no point in worrying about whether Robin van Persie decides to leave Arsenal or not. And, at this stage, it’s obvious that whatever information is out there, nobody really knows what is going to happen just yet. The media consensus here, as ever, is pointing to an Arsenal armageddon with the Guardian reporting that Manchester City are preparing to offer Robin over £250k per week. Money that Arsenal will not be able to get close to matching. Arsenal have banned Robin from talking to the media whilst at the Euro’s, which seems reminiscent of a similar move with Cesc last summer. And yet. Yet, reports from the Netherlands suggest that Robin is happy at Arsenal and would be prepared to stay, if Arsenal go out and spend money on some quality reinforcements.

For all the money the new champions have spent, they were seconds away from winning sod all. Perhaps that proves that, if we go and spend some money wisely, have some belief in ourselves, we might actually give ourselves a chance of winning something again. And it’s something the Arsenal board need to think about now. Yes, we just finished third. I’m happy that we did so, but it can’t be ignored that we finished third largely because Spurs and Chelsea collapsed and Liverpool are shit. We were miles away from the Manchester clubs. Although both of our performances against City suggested they weren’t so far ahead of us, United certainly made us look… well, we all know how they made us look.

I got letters from Arsenal yesterday, regarding membership renewals. Jo, having been able to get on the membership scheme before me, is now a silver member. I don’t equate this jump up the list to anything other than yet another ultimately unsuccessful season at the Arsenal. I don’t think, for example, Jo would now be a Silver member had Robin van Persie lifted the Premier League trophy last weekend- nice dream, hey? I’m (I think) about 2,000 people behind her, so I’ll be interested to see how long it takes me to join her on that exalted (and pretty fucking expensive) level of membership.

Right, I got nothing else for today. Let’s sit back and enjoy the annoying evil idiot fucks all stressing to the point of spontaneous combustion tonight.

*EBJT- England’s Brave John Terry, but doesn’t “EBJT” look ever so much like the word “eejit?” Apt, I think.