The time is 9 o clock on Friday morning and you are locked into the world’s most prestigious and, more importantly, most accurate news service.  You are tuned into Nashy News!  The headlines today on the 25th of January are:

Arsenal Failure To Land Diame Shows Just How Useless Arsenal Are

If reports are to believed, Arsenal have been rejected by Mo Diame, who has stated clearly to his manager that he wants to stay  at West Ham and play for a Walrus.  It is assumed that in heart to Walrus talks with his manager, Diame stated that he could see his future only at the East London club.  Our sources, who stayed close to this transfer for the whole three days that this saga rumbled on for, understand that upon hearing the news The Hammers manager stood up on his tail, yelped, and clapped both of his hands together in glee.

On His Way To Arsenal. We Understand, May Be!

Contrast those scenes with those outside this small North London pub that we’re at today, asking Arsenal fans about their feelings on their clubs’ inability to sign players of the quality of Diame.  One fan had this to say on the sorry situation:

I simply cannot believe that we’ve failed to sign another player.  If he’s not willling to cough up the £3.5million then that tight bastard Wenger should leave before he drags our club into the relegation places.  In fact, I hope we lose at Brighton on Saturday to show him what a mistake he’s made and so the board fire him and bring in Usmanov who’s a man who’s not afraid to put his grubby little Manchester United supporting hands into his pocket and pull out £3.5million worth of dirty money to sign players.  Sorry about the rant, but I just get so angry when Arsenal don’t sign top quality players.  Look at M’Villa!  I signed him for Rushden and Diamonds on Football Manager in 2019 and he was still amazing, imagine how sick he is now!  Actually, I could tell you, I’ve got it on my phone!  I play it all the time!

There you have it, then.  Arsenal fans up in arms about their failure to sign yet another player they didn’t even make a bid for.  Stay tuned to this one, as it could run and run.

Bacary Sagna Wants To Leave Arsenal, And He Wants To Leave Right NOW!

Sagna States He Wants To Leave Arsenal. We Understand.

Bacary Sagna, in an amazing show of disrespect towards Arsenal FC, has come out and said that he wants to leave the club in search for trophies at other clubs.  In an interview that our sources understand to have taken place in France, the defender has claimed that the club no longer match his ambitions and that they should bring back Robin Van Persie.  Here’s what he had to say when questioned about it his Arsenal future:

‘That is a very difficult question [if he wants to leave and if wants Robin Van Persie to come back to rescue Arsenal's season which is badly in need of help.  I don't know if you know, but they haven't won a trohphy for 8 years].

‘I don’t want to give an answer now, because a lot can happen in football.’

Nashy News wants to re-iterate that we have not paraphrased this interview.  At all.  It is thought that the defender is eyeing up a move to play with world class players and managers over at QPR.  Here’s what ‘Arry had to say about the player:

I don’t really wanna talk about Bacary Sagna, that’s not right.  It’s not my place to talk about a player that I want to sign lots and loads.  He’s a triffic’ player, I really like him and hopefully we can do a deal sometime before the window shuts.  I mean, QPR are in a better position than Arsenal, we’re selling out our stadium every week we don’t have to lie about attendance figures.  That’s why players like Bacary Sagna want to come to QPR.  But like I said, I can’t talk about Bacary Sagna, it wouldn’t be right.

That’s it for now..

I love Arsenal,

and I love you too.